It’s a weighty responsibility, to lead little ones. Especially little ones that know you, that love you, that would follow you anywhere you lead them. What if I take a wrong step? Make a wrong choice? What if I get scared? What if I don’t know which way to go?
The other day while fixing dinner, the baby started to cry, and all four older children started asking for four different things, all at the same time. The sudden chaos, the noise pushed me near over the edge.
I lost my cool.
I yelled. I pounded my fists. I overreacted.
Minutes later, the kids sat quietly, eyes downcast. I picked up the baby and took a deep breath. Not their fault, I thought to myself.
Then, an apology.
“Guys, I’m not a perfect Mommy. I make mistakes, I get frustrated. I shouldn’t have yelled. Can you forgive me and be patient as I keep trying to be a better Mommy?”
Instant smiles.
“Okay,” they replied.
Huh. Who knew apologies worked on our kids too?
It is so scary to lead… so scary to know they are looking at me, learning from me.
I’m not perfect, but you know what? Neither are they.
So we work imperfectly together, trying our best, learning and growing and experiencing joy.
Because it is joyful.
(Thanks to my lovely nephews who played with me at our family campout last Summer and helped make these pictures so much fun!)
20 Comments:
It IS scary! At least, it's scary being a daddy duck--and I assume it is also scary being the mommy duck. I have to assume that it's part of the plan that our weaknesses will somehow be compensated for.
You know, in the first 2-3 years after the triplets were born I lost my cool pretty regularly. For a long time I feared I was now a yelling mom. But then gradually life got a little easier (easier being a relative term) and now I'm back to the rarely yelling mom. It was nice to realize that yelling was not who I was naturally--it was just a stress response. And yes, apologies are great with kids--they're always so willing to forgive!
Such a great post. Ya, scary doesn't even come close to how it is.
There are so many times I wish I could go back to the houseful of kids and try to do it better this time.
Great pictures.
You're a great mom.
Did you know that one of the greatest examples of repentance we can teach our children is to admit to them that we make mistakes and ask for their forgiveness?
It's true. And I believe it has helped me be a happier and better mother knowing that I can apologize to my yahoos and feel their love anyway.
Well done, MommyJ, well done.
May be this is not right but somehow it's always comforting to know that someone else lost their cool and later had to apologize so I know I'm not the only one that feels that way!
I think the key is to be honest with ourselves and our families. Yes we are not perfect, yes we make mistakes, yes there's always room for a truthful apology and YES is so SWEET to see those smiley faces again.
<3
I'm afraid I quack a little too much. but luckily I have forgiving little ducklings and we move on...
I signed up for this... right?
We had a moment like that just half an hour ago. One of the most important things my mum taught me was the value of apologizing to our kids. We don't need to appear perfect to be good parents - in fact, I think it's counterproductive to try to. Thanks for the sweet reminder!
Way scary, and whats worse, it doesn't get any better the older they get.
I had a complete come-apart at my adult children a couple of weeks ago. They still forgive, but it takes a little longer. : )
All Mamma Duck's Quack-Up once in a while. It happens. What's way more important is to do what you did, apologize, then love those little duckies even more.
Your pictures are priceless! Thanks for the reminder to lead with love.
I love how you handled this. I too, have had my moments of snapping, and I have found that apologizing can work wonders. What a great gift you are teaching your children by letting them know that even moms can make mistakes and be sorry. Repentance is needed for each one of us at so many moments in our lives. When the kids see us repent, it makes it so much easier for them to follow that lead. Good Job Mom!
Not too long ago I myself 'lost my cool' and commenced inappropriate mother-behavior. (Read: yelling.) My kids stopped what they were doing and looked up at me with wide eyes. Then my six-year-old:
"Mom. You might as well stop. You know you'll just have to apologize later."
Touche.
I have had to apologize sooooo many times to my kids. I keep telling myself it is good for them to see me modeling behavior they need to understand.
What is your secret? If only my kids got silent and downcasty eyes when I lost my temper, I'd do it less often! Or maybe if I did it less often, they'd react better . . . hmmm. Anyway, welcome to the club.
Sometimes I am still in the middle of losing it and I can hear myself saying "Too far, you've gone TOO FAR!!"
Luckily they always accept the apologies so gracefully and whole heartedly.
The best part is, if you apologize regularly they're way better when it's their turn to apologize. Around here we're all apologizing all the time for everything because we love to yell almost as much as we love to hug.
I love the photos of the new baby, BTW.
Apologizing to my kids has become one of my most effective parenting tools.
It is so scary being the mommy duck. I had a major meltdown the other night. Then I looked at my poor kids and burst into tears and asked their forgiveness. Then we talked about how we can make it better for all of us. And life around here has been amazing since then. I think it's good for them to see that we aren't perfect. I learned something, and so did they.
Love this post.
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The apologies for not being a perfect mommy are a daily montra at my house. Like yesterday when my iPhone fell several feet over the stair railing and hit the tile. They all heard mommy yell an explative. Do as I say, not as I do my little ones!
Its tough being a mommy duck, but fortunately the ducklings are understanding and quick to forgive (and smile). Thanks for reminding us. Thanks also for the kind comments on my blog.
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